hello dere. woke up late. plyed PSP. its d bro's. need for speed underground. everyone plays to win. but i just hv to make sure i dun get caught by d cops. HAH. played a few games n den tts it. cos i get bored easily.

got ready n headed to bishan ite. didnt play 1st half. d legs got rili itchy aftr half of d 1st half. started on 2nd half. took a few mins to warm up i gues. tink i did ok. altho i tink d last goal was my fault. understimated deir cross n didnt mark deir striker. jus jogged while she sprinted in front. d ball came to her n she tapped d freakin ball in. bluek. felt like shootin my head. titi went out. n i had to b last man. oooooh. freaky. but i tink i did ok. thnx to nik n no'ne. i missed gracie beside me in d field.

no major injuries today. except for d blisters on both d big toes. dammit. remind me to wear double socks next match ok. iced d ankle.
ironed d uniform. gona slp soon.

//

here's wat ive been doin for d past week.

24 JAN 06

injured d injured ankle again. so i lied dwn at d carpark.

straight up. this was wat i saw.

to my left, is d pink car.

25 JAN 06
met up wif shid for dinner aftr wrk. took these pix while eating. yeah.




26 JAN 06
cant train. hv to rest d ankle. was sitting,watching dem train. got bored. so yeah.


27 JAN 06
mocca concert with d sissy n cousins.

mocca

among the exhibits at d esplanade

kak rin n kak yam

28 JAN 06
d sibs came over to jelita. hung out before dinner at town.

oj n abg putting.

oj wif a 7-iron. shid with a driver.

shid's, mine n oj's

29 JAN 06
runn, her bro, shid, gracie n me to west coast.adventure playground!





in 176

she's mad i tell u

30 JAN 06

before waking up. shid caught me.

3 bored girls. part1

part2


=============================================================================

so yeah. dere u go.
btw, our tv's spoilt. great isnt it.

// BLUEK

last nite was a blast. me, shid, kak yam n kak rin at d esplanade watchin a concert. MOCCA! it was so cool. d music was great. thnx kak yammie for ajaking us. waitin for d pix frm kak rin. wait ard for d pix aite.

so im at wrk now. alone. had 2 classes earlier. n now im waiting for one more class i tink. hv a feeling tt no one will turn up at 2pm. so yeah. nothin to do til 4pm. cud hv told nicklas not to come, but yeah, he paid for it.. been some time since i saw him anw.

bluek. bluek. bluek. bluek.

d mp3 plyr is on full blast. cant connect it to d comp, so yeah..

one thing i hate abt wrkin alone is, i cant pee. il hv to lock up d centre n its so troublesome to do to tt. argh.

// its not the same

never in my life, im feeling dis way.
its funny how i nvr c it.
wat went wrong? y m i so different?
i dun tink its d parents. its jus me.

i hope i got d guts to do wat i plan to do tmr.
sort d crap out.
thnk u for d idea. im still loving u.

hv a gd nite ppl. pleasant nitemares.

when you're gone - bryan adams feat mel c
this is torture, this is pain, i think that im gona go insane
i hope you're coming back real soon, cos i duno wat to do

baby when you're gone, i realise im in love
days go on n on, n d nites jus seem so long
even food dun taste tt good, drinkin aint doin wat it shud
things jus feel so wrong, baby when you're gone

// sad eyes

im tired
of thinking, wondering n guessing.
i need to do sumtin.

// everywhere

had to wake up early cos of d last min trng held at hq. thot id b late but i wasnt. heard some stupid, funny things tt got me pissed. hearing tt, i cant wait to tender. wat? is it wrong to b young? hah. so aftr trng, i happily walked out. thinkin tt next class was 3. suddenly, TYLER! he's comin at 1. i told d rest to go ahead while i go bck all d way to blk E to d atm machine. wen i reached dere, d money hasnt been transferred! so i gave up n just took d bus bck to jelita. tyler's gona come n d centre wud b closed. i felt so bad. halfway thru d bus ride wen i was at geylang n wen it was alrdi 15mins to 1pm. i rmb tt i had a 50$ note wif me! my mum told me to pay d bill n i cud hv used tt money first for cab fare! how cud i forget?!?!?!? but, i tried to take a nap anw, knowing tt nothing can b done.
messed up. great isnt it?

down low, ur slow.
high above, ur in love.
in d middle, ur d fiddle.
dun mke sense to me but yeah. oliver taught me tt. i asked him who i was in love wif. he said wif my bf. told him i didnt hv one, n id like him to b mine.
d lil guy freaked out n said he's too little to b my bf. hahaha! cuteness la he.

im eating salad now. italian rocket salad to b exact. those prepacked salad from cold storage. tts my lunch. hah.
its sour n nice. acquired taste. watever la aishah shasha.

wil b meetin shidah to treat her to dinner. hahah. bet i shocked her wen i called her jus now. bluek.

anw, its like a re-run. amazing how d dialogue n d plot is so very familiar. its jus most of d cast is changed now. how come they say the same things when they're angry? its almost unbelievable n i dun like it.

i dun like whats happening. i dun understand u? do u understand me? its like im d one losing out. n u noe tt. dun u? i miss u. i want things to be right again. but my right seems to be wrong.
if i have a time machine, i wud go bck to tt hour tt we wasted, tt hour tt i made d wrong move by turning away.
im such a dumb ass.
argh.

// i tried to be perfect

finally i did it. im a few hundred grams lighter? haha. i donated blood. yeay. planned it yesterday. almost didnt make it. but woke up early to go anw. told my nyai n she asked, "nak donate? cukup ke?" hahah.
d process of taking out d blood itself was short. 5 mins?
got a squeezeball shaped like an orange as a souvenir. coolness.
i reached home jus aftr 1pm. cant wait to go again.

check out tt cool neon green bandage!

im sleepy. haaaaaaha.

// accumulation

i didnt want to keep quiet. but its not easy.
scared. but im not sure of wat. i noe uv heard dis b4.
i noe i hv to giv it a shot.
but ur not makin it easier. a lil help wun hurt. somehow.
i didnt mean to make u angry. i nvr ever meant to hurt u.
i did wat i did cos i just wanted to. tts it. (n dun misinterpret dis line.)
not bcos im out to hurt u. not bcos i dun love u.
i cried cos i felt immense joy n sadness at d same time. i wished u nvr let me go.
n den i cried cos wat u said was untrue.
pls stop saying things tt we dun want to happen. cos somehow, ur wishes always come true.
its weird wen u mentioned abt dying, cos i was tinking abt d exact same thing.

Blind - lifehouse
After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know

// ---

so yesterday was d kenduri at my place. it was fun. somehow.
helped wak nor n ibu in d kitchen. hung out wif d cuzzins in d room.
meetin d older ppl wasnt amusing. like 90% of dem, thot i was shidah, or rather, d younger sis. i got sick of explaining, i jus smiled wen dey called me shidah. hahaha. madness.
d new aunt was nice. tink she's cool. my cuzzin told us it was weird to c her dad up on d dais again. her new mum is called 'mummy'. interesting.

so its a sunday. im goin tender my resignation soon. n i wana tel u tt im gona do d same thing tt ive been doin everyday even tho i will b serving my notice. wudnt wana trouble d new colleague uneccessarily. d classes were ok. yeah.
watched cheaper by d dozen aftr tt. funny la. hahaha.

i wana watch d match. but im sleepy. but i stil wana watch. aaargh.

// stuck?

hey. gd mrng. im drinking milo fuze. off to wrk soon.

anw, i wana blog abt sumtin.
but,
i wun.
i jus wana say its a crazy world out there.
be wary. be prepared. be ready.
for wat?
watever.
dun say i didnt warn u ok.

oh. i hate sharing. y do i always have to share?
i want sumtin all to myself. im supposed to b selfish.
but, yeah. no choice?
love u. loved u. loving u.
life's never fair.

have a nice saturday, people. i noe i wil.
i have to.

// thank you

hey. i jus finished my classes for today. was alone aftr 3 cos kath had to go off. edward.g had a new pair of trainers. i tink dey look really cool. if they r available in my size, id definitely buy dem. oh, it was his bday yesterday. angelica came in her sch uniform. n she looks rili cute. justin got a bump on his head when he was chasing for d golf ball. he said he likes me better with long hair. hahah. cuteness la.

fortunately d day ended quite ok.
i had a bad start. took 851 instead of d usual bus service 852 or 855. thot id b earlier but i thot wrong! somehow dey were more ppl boarding this service n it was always a red light. n aftr thomson road, dere was a jam! dere had been an accident. 2 taxis n a lorry. argh. i dun tink anyone was injured la. irritating. n den d uncle beside me was chatting me up. haiyoh. it all started when i yawned.
uncle: ngantuk eh?
me: erm.. yah.
uncle: nak gi skolah ke?
me: tak ah. nak gi keje.
uncle: keje? ingat kan ke sekolah? keje ape? sales ke admin.
me: erm, tak ah. ajar budak............ main golf.
uncle: wah. cikgu ah ni.
me: erm.. boleh ah mcm gitu.
n den he was askin me how to play golf? how come he was given only 1 club when he went to a driving range? how to hit d perfect ball? ask me if i jus finished O levels or poly? askin me what i wanted to do in d future? (as in career wise) asked me wher i stayed... bla bla lbalblablablabalblablablabalblablablablabla.
i was never tt glad when i saw d police academy. cos i had to alight. said bye to him n he wished me all d best. thnx. hope i wun bump into u again. hah! =p
so anw, i took 156. went past 1st n 2nd avenue. dammit! the houses were huge! n i thot d houses on 6th avenue were alrdi big. dey were d sizes of small shopping malls! no joke. where do these guys get all their money? got me more pissed.
wen i reached wrk, d parent n kid was alrdi dere. argh. malu seh. arghhhh.
times like dis i wished i had a bike. bluek.

so im gona chill at wrk for awhile more before i head home. dun tink i can slp early cos dere'l b wrk to do at home ltr. its my uncle wedding tmr. well, sorta. yup.

// do ya think im sexy?

n so i woke up late. ibu told me to accompany nyai to d docs. she has been coughing bad. she got loads of different medicine to take. hope she gets better aftr dis round of medication. n den we went chong pang to buy stuff for saturday. didnt noe tt vegetable sellers can b so cute. hah! so we went round n round d whole of chong pang to search for preserved fruits. nyai wants to make acar la. oh, she bought 4kg worth of cucumber. i tink my arm muscles developed a lil bit.

n so! shidah came trng. coach taught her for 2 mins n den she can kick high balls! it took me years la. hahaha. told ibu abt it n she said "tgk ah badan nye.." hahahha! come to think of it, wen i was her age den.. i was a scrawny piece of papan. no wonder i was crap. (trying to make myself feel better here! hahahahhaha.) seriously, im impressed.
we did 3 v 1. d mud reminded of under blended mocha ice blended.
2 side was fun. d touches were nice. my ankle was acting up again towards d end of it. did crunches. yeay! long time nvr do. but i was crap la. argh.

so.. it was a great day. tho i never hv enuf of u.

// dirty little secret

wednesdays. alone at wrk. but had things to do. kept me occupied. thankfully.
only 2 classes today. d tyrant n d hart bros. thats it.

so i reached np. sat wif is, izzie n hid. dey were alrdi dwn 2 nil. np played defensive all d way. tink d keeper was doin a great job. suria was playin for ite. as a striker. she scored d last goal. hah. final score was 4 nil. to ite. doinkz.

anyway! d highlight of d evening was meeting with farhana! yes, farhana hassan. my primary n secondary school mate. my netball team mate! d one tt gave me tt scar on my elbow! that one tt lives across d field! she jus finished her fitness test n was at d sports complex. i screamed wen i saw her n we hugged. touching. hah. updated each other for tt short while. exchanged nos. hahahahha. happy like toad.
n den! elin was dere tooooo! chatted wif her n i was updated abt recent happenings. interesting.

oh yeah. everyone was shocked la i had a haircut. haha. some didnt recognise me. n, strangely, dere a few tt didnt notice i had short hair. HAHA.

left d sch wif d darlings. runn's parents sent me to yew tee while gracie hung out wif d rest at al-ameen.
well, it was a nice evening.


twins?

// aduhai

my bro's chipping tennis balls frm my room to his room.

aqilah is supposed to catch them. one hit her in d leg. hahha.

madness.

was supposed to go dover in d mrng. but. hah. tak jadi. so.
now.
i. m. doing. nothing.

probably i shud tke a nap.
bluek.

// tolerance? mine or urs.

hey! i had fun today!!!! fun fun fun fun. super duper fun!!!!!!!! hah.

took leave today. woke up super early. headed to woodlands. waited for dem. oh. dey were shocked abt my hair. hahaha. say not nice la. say y cut la. say hair so long y cut? den i ask, muz keep until how long seh? haha. watever. i tink dey'r jus jealous im cute! (HAH!)
anw, we took d bus to sungei buloh! dere's dis park we went past.. tink i shud drop by dere wen im bored or sumtin. sure a nice place to jus chill alone.
so we reached! we were briefed. n den started d hike. walked n walked n watched n looked. saw migratory birds. saw monitor lizards. iguanas. stones. trees. leaves. swamps. yeah. haha. it was ok. we were given tasks. my team consisted of guy, titi n su. titi n guy wanted to do it. so yeah they did it.

n den

we went to terror club!(yes. dere's such a club in s'pore. its somewhere in sembawang.) kika invited us as guests. occasion was team bonding cum rie's leaving party cum lepak/chilling session cum coach m's advanced surprise bday party. he was totally fooled. well, actually most of us were, too. hahahah. d food served was great! we were swimming, playing tennis.. some of tt played pool. st soccer... fun fun fun fun. kika ordered for us pizza!personalised! only beef, chicken, mushroom n cheese! she's like d greatest brazilian woman ive ever known la. well. she's d ONLY brazilian woman i know. oh i sprained my ankle n knocked my knee. kika was attending to me. icing my ankle, wrapping it up. she's nice la. n she's knowledgable abt so many things.
n! i cant believe dere was crap goin on for awhile wen we played st soccer. like, what the hell is their problem? come la......... tell it to me. argh.
nvm.

n. aftr i showered. dila waxed my hair. hahah! i actually bought wax along. d one kak rin gave us. i cant believe im actually bringing wax ard n putting tt stuff in my hair. nvr thot id do tt! hahahhaahhaha.

woh k. goin to slp soon. cos i hv golf tmr! haha. lazy sia. wif my ankle sprained n all. but hope we can go golf course again. but can we like rent a buggy pls? i dun wana walk... hah!


me. aftr swimming. heh. =0

// with a love like that, you know you should be glad

n so! ive cut my hair! shidah is styling it now with wax. hahah. so exciting! hahah.. i wanted to laugh when d auntie cut off my ponytail. i duno y. i looked like aqilah for awhile. its tt short. no pix yet la. i lazy.... so yeah.

i tink i look cute!

hahaha.

my eyes hurt. both. red. argh. grace! did u pass it to me? somehow?
hahaha

im tired.

a long day tmr.

// whatever that means

gd mrng! i c d sun! =]

yesterday me n oj made jelly. ibu bought for her this packet of jelly crystals. we made it for her aftr she came frm sch. she mixed d mixture n den poured them in to moulds. she was so excited every 15mins she wud pop her head into d fridge n look at her jellies.
i came real late last nite, n i she wasnt aslp! she was waiting for me, to chk on d jellies together. i felt so bad. wen i got home, she took my hand n den pulled me to d kitchen. askin me if she can eat dem. i touched dem. let her touch dem too n told her we cud only eat it d next day. she went to bed aftr tt.

so i went trng wif shidah n d girls. her soccer team. asked dem along since dey hvnt had real trng for so long n deir tournament is ard d corner. it was stil raining wen we reached farrer park. got into d field.warmed up n den we did d drills. d condition was really bad. puddles all over n mud, ankle deep. during d 2 side, i stayed at d back most of d time. dere was one time i was one to one wif shidah. hah! i was a lil nervous actually.. i duno y. i gues, tts d first im playin real soccer with my lil sis. well, real enuf. coach n mak thot miza was gd. ive always thot she was, wen i saw dem play before. but personally, i like malah. she doesnt stop attacking titi! hahaha. n i really mean doesnt stop. she doesnt give up. it was fun to watch. i tink titi was enjoying it too.

oh. somehow it fascinates almost everyone tt shidah is as tall as me. or taller. haaah. watever! =p

had a meeting wif d adults during dinner time. d team has plans for d yr. n i like wat i heard frm kika's fren. really exciting if we r rili gona do wat she suggested n all. also hope tt d plans for march will happen. it'l b so fun.
filled up d form for d challenge cup. first match wil b on d 5th. im so excited! got d fixtures too. dere'l b 6 new teams for dis yr. 2 frm malaysia. how cool is tt? i told my dad abt it. n he said, "abis ah korang.." thnx for d encouragement. hah!

n den. i went ard tellin ppl i wana cut my hair. some was agree-ing wif me, some disagree, most dont care anw. hah! asked for tips frm kak yammie.. so yeah. i m goin to do it real sooooooooooon. haah. so rimas alrdi tau.

alritey. i wana get some food in my tummy before heading off to work. i hope it doesnt rain today. take care ppl, cos i care. keep smiling alrite. =]

// my foot at your neck, i got you now

jus came bck frm lunch. had d set at d nxt door pizza hut. was too lazy to go dwn to holland v or 6th ave. plus my ezlink is running low. d food was worth d service charge, gst n all tt crap la. like i had much of a choice anw. tink dis is d first time i ate super slow. somehow, i rmb reading an article abt people feeling full for a longer time if they ate sloooowly. so yeah.
oh. d waiters tt served me were twins. i didnt notice tt til half way thru my baked rice. cuteness.

m alone today in d centre. one's on leave, one more is having her off n i told d other one not to come. hah. d little chubby tyrant came. aftr 10mins, he was off. granny thot he mite b tired cos he jus ended swimming lessons. wil now jus wait for d hart brothers to come at 3 soon.

n yes! its my brother's 18th birthday. n my cousin, raihan's 17th birthday.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY U GUYS!! be good always.
rite.
hahahahah.

btw, I WANT TO HAVE A HAIRCUT!

// anyhow only

im back!!
net was down for a week. one whole week.
coincidentally, same situation at wrk.

i finally went on the golf course today.
NSRCC's 9hole golf course. par 3 for all. dere were really short. unlike those u c on tv.
i suck la.
chipping was bad. putting was better. at hole 6, it started raining heavily.
ran all d way bck to d reception with a golf bag . not light ok.
halfway thru. an apek in a buggy offered us a lift.
fun.

i changed my skin to a prev one. d nice one before this had some problems with its bandwith.
irritating.

hahahahahhahahahahahhahahahhaa.

// turkish delight

jus finished my breakfast. tt leftover oatmeal n strawberry syrup!

sweetness.
speaking of strawberries.. i didnt get to eat any of d strawberries tt i picked frm cameron highlands. dey'v magically disappeared in d fridge. amazing. hah.

so ive got lotsa plans for today. 1, alrdi has been scrapped. i didnt send oj to sch jus now. ibu did. so i plan to pick her up instead. n den go refund my ezlink. probably go enrol... all this before 4pm.
for d past 2hrs i was reading mags. lime, newsweek, shape and times magazine. read abt america's 41st n 42nd presidents. how they were rivals n now they're closes frens. interesting. learnt sumtin abt tectonic plates, volcanoes, earthquakes n tsunamis.

oh. at friendster, i got invited by d singled out. kinda honoured. hahahha. funny la. thnx, to whoever it was. was it u, runn?

well, TTFN. tts tata for now. shidah taught me tt. hah.

// u gave your hand to me

no one came to class today!!!! NO ONE!
hah! cam guessed right!
bluek.

finally got d thing. went to central aftr wrk. bumped into din at d shop.
he was wif a girl. seems tt he hasnt changed abit. haaaaaah.
mentally.
nvm.
walked home. yeah.

ibu forgot to buy for me laksa. boohooo..

total request live! yeah rite.

singgah slaluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

me n my room mate.

cameraman: haziq

flowergirls

warmth

drinkin tea.

// u pity me?

happy '06 ppl. was happily snuggling up in my gramma's room while the whole world counts down to d new yr.
d family minus d bro was at kulai for d weekend. got invited to my gramma's neighbour's son's wedding. he married a japanese girl. imagine! a kampung boy getting married to a japanese girl. what r d odds!? n d bride's family was dere. a japanese family wearing traditional malay costumes in a kampung. it was definitely a rare sight. coolness kan?

over at my gramp's. d lalangs have grown to almost knee height. it was a sad sight. my uncles took turns cutting d grass with d new grass cutter. but dey dun look as professional as those bangla men. by night time, one uncle was down with fever and d other had the skin on his head peeling (he's almost bald). watched hollow man on ch 5 n watched d very long news show on tv3 at d other tv.

woke up to hear the rain pouring heavily on d zinc roofs. it was soo cold. as usual aqilah was already up. wak ahmad was gettin ready to go to d market with a neighbour. wak ju was somewhere out there with my dad n cik man was stil snuggling under d blankie. watched tv until it was time to go home. yup.

n so! tmr! im off to work. YEAY! not.

// killing the dead chicken all over again