The Pacifier

So last Saturday, 22nd of September, my hubsan decided that it was time Shakirin finally sleeps without his pacifier. I purposely put down the date there because I feel it is quite momentous.

We have been talking about him not needing it months before he turned two. He sleeps fine without it at Ibu's, in his childcare and also whenever we are out. We know he can do it but deep inside our (maybe more mine than my hubsan's) hearts, he is always our little baby and it's still alright for him to have it every night.

I was more convinced that it's alright for him to have his soother because he has been sleeping on his own bed in his own room. That is such a big achievement! I have heard of so many stories from my friends that their toddlers will not leave their parents' bed. I have a colleague who had to resort to upgrading his queen sized bed to a king sized one.

So on that fateful evening, I asked my hubsan if he really threw it away or merely hid it somewhere. He said, "I'm not even going to tell you." I laughed. And then I left it as that. He knows and I know that I might cave in to our son if he starts pleading for it later that night.

That night, like most nights, my hubsan tucked Shakirin to sleep. Of course, the little boy started searching for the pacifier all over his bed. My hubsan reiterated that he has thrown the pacifier away. He reassured our son that it's because he is now a big boy and he doesn't need it. He cried, "No! I want pacifier!". Those cried continued but alas, all was silent and I guessed he cried himself to sleep.

The next morning, we asked him how was his sleep. He spoke in a low tone and said, "Daddy throw away pacifier. Daddy alway scold." Then he buried his face in his hands. I really could not tell that it was mock-sadness or for real. I glared at my hubsan and tears start welling up in my eyes. I could not believe that I was feeling extremely devastated for him.

Now that I am typing this, I can recall the first few times we "forced" it on him when he was 2 months old because he kept crying and we didn't know what else to do. I held the pacifier in his mouth to prevent it from dropping off. Eventually he got the motion of sucking it. It was especially cute as he got a little bigger, his pacifier would slip out of his mouth and he would search his cot looking for it, with his eyes closed. I remembered feeling proud that he could actually find it and put it back into his mouth and went back to sleep.

So my hubsan asked him again, "why did daddy throw your pacifier away? Do you remember what I said?". "Yes daddy. I'm a good boy", Shakirin replied. "No. It's because you're a big boy."

My 25 month old baby is now a big boy. It breaks my heart.

engagement plans

last year, after Shark came over to my place for a Hari Raya Haji open house, my dad sat me down. you see, my dad Rarely sits me down. come to think of it, i can't recall the last time he was that serious. so, he asked me what is this relationship that I am having with Shark. i said that we were going out on dates. he asked if we were serious and that if we were, we have to get engaged.

fast forward a year later, i am at the last lap of my engagement preparations. this ceremony will be held on the 14th of December. ever since after Hari Raya in August, both of us have been slowly but steadily getting the things we need for this big (enough) day. we picked my ring, he bought me an outfit and both of us got each other items for our dulangs. our dulangs will be done by Love Createz. i am really excited on how the dulangs will turn out to be. for those of you who don't know, our favourite colour is Blue. since my outfit will be cream and gold, the dulangs from him to me, will be blue and gold. while the ones from me to him, will be silver and blue. below are the images i showed to Armelia of Love Createz to take inspiration from! 

i now cannot recall how i came across Michelle of Blu Bouquet Creatives. i was probably googling for wedding bouquets and miraculously stumbled upon her beautiful bouquets. her flowers are made of paper! yes, you read it right, paper! when i went to Sculpture Square to have a look and feel of the bouquets, i was sold. her hand made, paper bouquets are gorgeous and totally unique. i can have it as a keepsake, FOREVER! working with her, exchanging emails talking about how i want my navy blue bouquet to turn out to be, was pleasant. i know that the bouquet will be more than pretty. 

since we are still talking about the colour blue, you will have to know that the centre stone of my engagement ring is a.... yes, a sapphire. after months of arduous search in jewellery shops both literally and online, Shark and i set our eyes on a beautiful tear drop shaped one. initially, i wanted a simple emerald cut sapphire. during our appointment at the House of Hung, with Rajiv the 'sapphire expert', he said that he will Not recommend such a cut for a sapphire. it will not be as sparkly as an oval cut and it is prone to cracks. it took some time for both men to convince me that i should not have an emerald cut. Rajiv walked around the store to bring us more design samples and then i fell in love with this particular pear shaped one (note that tear drop and pear shaped can be used interchangeably). tried it on, and it looked pretty on my finger. Shark did mention to me earlier that day he liked a pear shaped cut but i brushed him off. LOL. that was it! in another post, i shall tell you how i was presented with my ring!! 

 for make up and hair, i did not want to spend too much money on hiring a professional MUA. i thought of getting my cousins or my sister's friend to do my make up and hair. in the end, Shark's mum suggested that we ask Shark's cousin who is the busy owner of a local cosmetic line and also a make up instructor! =)) she was in the midst of planning her business trip and just nice my engagement will be just after she is back from Europe! 

since i am being the scrooge that i am (HAHAH, come on, i still need to save money for the wedding, honeymoon, renovations, babies, LASIK, babies' studies.. you get the drift), i initially wanted my sister to be in charge of taking photographs. my mum then said that she would want my sister's to help her out in the kitchen and suggested that i hire someone else. i asked around for quotations and a photography package for an engagement ceremony is just way out of budget. my dear mother then suggested one of my best friends to be my photographer. she knows that Aloysius is some sort of the unofficial official photographer at work. i asked him nicely, and thank God he agreed! this will be his first engagement gig ever! since the past week, he has been doing his homework. i sent him a link of an engagement photo album i got from FB and he took it from there. he has been looking at other albums and even googled on the procedure of the engagement ceremony. i'm so proud of him! we have already discussed about what are the different parts i will definitely need him to capture and how he can maneuver himself around the house when it will be jam packed with guests. i bet you he is going to do a great job. 

my parents are in charge of catering and the guest list. it has been weeks of discussions, ideas and of course arguments. what i initially thought was an intimate ceremony is now quite a large scale, spilling over to the void deck! yes! i've gotten over that shock actually and agreed to the chairs, tables and the buffet line. 

i now realise, as much as i want to think that this is about me and Shark, this IS about our parents, families and friends. we are after all, Malays. i foresee that on that day, it will be very humid and sticky but everyone will be happy. there'll be smiles and laughter, loud and boisterous voices amongst the male relatives and the high pitched exchanges between my aunts and cousins. 

About mountains

It has been awhile hasn't it? We are nearing the end of October 2013. Ever since the last post, so many things have happened. One, the boyfriend is back and will be back for the next couple of months till his next course in the US. 

I cleared my first semester and right now, is supposed to begin studying for the current semester's exams. I am taking 3 compulsory and 1 elective module. First paper is on the 12th of November. Just 2 days after I come back from a school trip. 

School trip!! The last time I went for a real overseas trip was in 2010. Let's not count the overseas camp to Tanjung Leman in Mersing, Johor. As I was saying, the last time I took a plane with students and other teachers was in 2010 to Kota Kinabalu. It was a trip for the student leaders to hike up Mount Kinabalu. Climbing the mountain with a torn ligament was a great experience for me. Something forgettable happened though, I was just glad no one died. Yes, it was that real. 

This time round, I was being roped in to follow the Sec 3 NT students to a Values In Action trip to Surabaya. I didn't realise that we were going to trek up another mountain. Well, a volcano to be exact, an active volcano! For your information, Mount Bromo last erupted 3 years ago. Smoke spews out of it everyday and occasionally during special occasions, villagers will sacrifice animals and food to appease the gods. I was a little apprehensive when I first heard about climbing the volcano. Eventually, after a little net search,I  found out that Mount Bromo is just half the height of Mount K. The soil is soft because of the ash and that it might get tiring after awhile. Think running on the beach with soft sand. I am excited to reach to the top and watch the sunrise. I am planning to do a timelapse with Ben's Gopro too! 

The VIA components of the trip will be the students having a mini-teaching session to the primary school students of a primary school at the foot of the volcano. Plus, we will be creating a pavement for them in their school. You read it right, we will be doing construction work! I am pretty stoked about that! 

it's been some time since i logged in here. 6 months to be exact. i realise i have a lot more to say when i am not feeling too happy. 

so, this just means, i have been feeling good. =) 

the boyfriend has been away for the past 2 months though. he is down under for his job training. this is only his first stint overseas. his dad was telling me to be prepared for more of such overseas posting. *gasps* 

i am so thankful for technology. we are in contact every single day, exchanging pictures and videos very frequently.. we skype occasionally too. 

can't say it's been very easy.. but i think i am doing well, occupying myself with friends, family, school, work, soccer and even netball. 

other than that, soccer has been interesting once again. i am playing for a new club now. Warriors FC. the coolest team in the league because we are sponsored by Svolme. a very hip sports brand from Japan. check them out. 

yesterday, we went against Middle Rangers FC and we lost 2-1. i have never been happier because i know i gave my all and i realised there is HOPE. the new girls played their best and i can see it. 

we've only played 4 games so far.. this league will be all the way till end June. we'll see how things will pan out. =))

till then. stay safe people. 

i got pictures!

today is a good day. Mondays have been good to me. happy things have been happening to me on Mondays for the past 2 months. =)

so, my dearest doctor discharged me today. my knee has not recovered, but he has to let me go. he is letting me see my initial surgeon, next week..

u know what.

I AM JUST VERY HAPPY THAT I MANAGED TO ASK FOR A PICTURE! after months, i finally worked up the courage! the timing was apt too, since he was leaving, i figured, it was now or never.

hahhahhahahahahhahaa.

i'll sleep smiling tonight.